Have any of you had a friend that you love so dearly but you don't know what to do? You don't know what to do about the friendship because you both have grown apart but you don't want to lose each other? I have. Have you ever just wondered where you're gonna go with your life after your parents let you go? I have. Have you ever fought with your parents because all they want to do is tell you who to be? I have. I'm fifteen and broken. I don't know where to go with my life and I'm scared.
I feel like there are a lot of experiences in my life I haven't gotten to experience because of the restrictions in my life. Let me tell you, I'm DONE. I'm living my life for me. I want everyone to love me, but if that means I don't love myself, then I have to be done pleasing everyone. I'm sorry if this hurts anyone, but I can't go on like this. A constant battle of right and wrong, that's what my life is.
I have a friend. This friend makes my day every day, but what if we're growing apart? What if I'm changing? What if I'm tired of being forced to be who this friend wants me to be? I'm not who this friend thinks I am. I'm different. I'm broken beyond repair and it kills me. I don't want to fake happy anymore. This friend tells me to show who I am for one day, then this friend judges me on it. Why? I don't know anymore. I hate highschool. I hate the choices I have to make. I wish I could just grow up already. I wish I could get a job, not have time for friends, and just enjoy my family.
Isn't this horrible? I want to skip the "best years of my life". Or maybe I just want them to change direction. I want to be happy, but I'm not heading into that direction. I want to live for a greater purpose. I want to serve Christ and be his hands on Earth. His expectations are the only ones that matter to me right now. He wants me to be happy, He wants to me to live, He wants me to serve, and He wants me to love. I can do all of this if people will stop judging others. Let everyone live. We're all stronger than we believe.
I know that I have a long way to go, but I'm striving to be who I need to be. My God is stronger than my problems. He gave me these problems for a reason.
if you're not happy, change it, so you are.
ReplyDeletechange whatever is making you feel down. Sometimes, we don't like how things are in our lives, but you should realize that you have the power to change. If it's something you can't change, you can change your attitude and that will help a ton. I know we don't really talk, but know that I am here if you need anyone. Love you cute girl! :)
Girl, I feel ya. One hundred percent. I recently had to "dump" someone I thought was my best friend because I just couldn't be the person I was when I was around her. And in doing so, I realized it had been a loooong time since I was actually happy. But now, I'm happier than ever. Living your life for yourself is one of the most freeing experiences. And I congratulate and commend you for choosing to do this. I promise you won't regret it.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
A random stranger and fellow Shine girl
thank you so much. i really needed to hear someone else's encouraging words, letting me know that i'm not crazy and that i'm doing the right thing. thank you. (:
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